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Music of the Season

I use to work at a department store and during the month of December Christmas music was played . . . cOnSTanTly. One's sanity can stand Jingle Bells repeated but for so long. I used a trick developed when I was subjected to Barney the Dinosaur's singing.* I had to pass this one area of the store several times a day which a repeating video tape of a Barney show played for the kids. To save my sanity I would develop alternate lyrics to the songs. Don't remember any of those lyrics now. I used the same technique to combat the seasonal stuff.
     For the song Winter Wonderland I came up with this for a part near the end;

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And through arcane rites bring it to life
We'll send it out on a rampage,
Then we'll be on the Naughty List, not the Nice.


I thought, well, I'll just do alternate lyrics for the whole golly darn song.**  After two days I got bored with it. My Muse is on vacation. But in examining the song, the unaltered third to last thingy*** already came off sounding kinda creepy.

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid, 
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Maybe I've just been reading too many horror stories. Rather odd phrasing, if you ask me. What are they  conspiring as they dream by the fire? What are these sinister plans? I think they plot murder . . . and their target is Parson Brown, or someone they both know. Something weird is up. Remember the line before the above section? 


He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man, 
But you can do the job
When you're in town.


What in the heck is that suppose to mean? What job? MURDER? What does marriage have to do with all this? Why did they make a snowman of the Pastor? It is well known in town that Brown has a fear of anthropomorphic round things made of frozen water.
     Guess we will never know, since the song was written back in1934. The trail is cold.

     I leave you with a Creepy Magazine cover from the Christmas 1974 issue. It reflects my mood of the season. Don't worry, the psycho-killer Santa in the story was shot dead by a cop. Only four people died.


Choppy Santa

* Which, after a while, pretty much all his songs sound like this:
Doo doo doo,
Doo doo doo,
Doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo

** I don't really talk like that.

*** I'm not a music person. Pretty sure they are not called paragraphs.



what hell
Eldon Litchfield

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